People don't believe me when I tell them I am in love with a King. They laugh and scoff at me, thinking that I have made you up. They don't understand how genuine to me you are and all the time we've spent getting to know each other.
I've tried to explain all the incredible things you've done for me, how even at a distance you are continually protecting and providing for me. Like the time when I was in the negative financially, and you encouraged that neighbor to drop off some groceries to me. My neighbor had no idea that I had just prayed for a meal, but you knew because you orchestrated the whole thing. You earned my trust as a faithful provider.
You protected me from dangers I couldn't also see.
I try to express the changes I've been through to people, but there's never enough time. Most people now look at me and don't understand how your love provoked me to a place of complete transformation and sacrifice, giving up all the other things that competed with you for my heart. I'm in awe as I'm writing this and thinking about my struggles with substances, the unhealthy and damaging relationships, or need for validation and the opinions of others; you helped me to come out of and overcome so many things!
They can't understand how much you love me and how persistent you were in pursuing me. You won me over. You gave me the strength to triumph and walked in victory.
Even when I open up about how deep the loneliness, despair, depression, and heartbreak was while walking through my shadow of a valley of death, it still blows me away how you sustained me, encouraged me, held my hand, and carried me at my weakest. It was your faithfulness in those valleys that causes me to praise you on this mountaintop humbly.
They think that I'm talking gibberish when I tell them how you gave me dreams to help me make hard decisions. Or how you repaired my hope and my heart when I experienced my first heartbreak. You forgave me for my shortcomings - set me free from the guilt and shame - even when others wouldn't.
Oh! And how can I forget my friend, who you saved from committing suicide? Everyone else gave more credit to a therapist, to luck, and positive thinking than believing that it was your power that completely restored them to their right mind. In my eyes, that will forever remain a testimony of your power, ability, and might.
I try to tell them that you're real. Your love is the sweetest, purest, and most fulfilling love I have ever experienced. They want our love to look like romantic movies, sexual experiences, and they often compare how your love should look to the way we tend to love one another - with conditions. They don't want to hear that you love me (and them) beyond what we do. I wish I could bottle it up and share how transformative your agape love truly is.
Many of them know a church, but they do not know your love letter to us: your Word.
They know a lot about religion, but they do not know what it's like to build a one on one relationship with you.
They know what it is like to be hurt, but they do not know what it's like to be healed.
They know what it's like to be talked about, criticized, and condemned. However, they do not know what it's like to have everything in your past, all of your mistakes in your present, and all of the things that will be done in the future, forgiven.
They don't understand THIS deep, unconditional, constantly wooing, always pursuing, kind of love.
They think that You're mad at them, a tyrant, a cruel, mystic, artificial being ready to strike them down in cold blood. They think that you are Satan. They feel that other people, social groups, infrastructures, governments are the causes of humanity's lack of moral responsibility. They have forgotten their real enemy, which is not flesh and blood but the powers and principalities in the heavenly realms.
They've forgotten how to talk to you.
They've forgotten how to pray.
They've forgotten action words like grace, forgiveness, and mercy.
They think that You are religion and have put all of the heavyweights, rules, and rituals on them to confuse the masses and exercise deception. They don't know that that is a human issue, but not Your way.
Your way was to sacrifice the thing you loved the most; your only son. Not to be cruel, as many think, but because you saw that for the cost of one, multitudes... throughout generations could be saved. You knew you had the power to raise him again, although, for short, while you would have the bare the pain of watching ALL of our sins, guilt, and shame be put on the shoulders of one man. They look at the cross's blood, but they forget about the power of your ability to resurrect, redeem, and restore.
The lines have been so blurred lately in our understanding of Your character and nature, that instead of seeking you, many have given up.
My love, I don't blame them. Have you seen planet earth lately? There is so much to throw your hands up and hang one's head about.
If I'm honest, though, I've been tempted occasionally to doubt you too. Especially during those times when my world appeared to be complete upside down, and it seemed like you were not responding fast enough. But, by faith, I knew deep down that you were working behind the scenes. Once again, protecting me and also giving me a chance to grow. I remembered that your nature is long-suffering and patient with us, not willing for us to perish, but to receive the gift of everlasting life.
I eventually realized that you allowed the genuineness of my faith to be tested, and the things I suffered to then be the fuel to help others. You repeatedly told me that my faith is more precious than silver and gold. Yet even still, those things must be tried and purified by fire.
I want to thank you for your free-will. You allowed me the freedom to choose in every scenario. Even though it was so hard to follow you in the beginning, you gave me new desires and a hunger for a new life. You worked a testimony into me. You proved your faithfulness by always turning things around for the better. You gave me a message and purpose because now I'm writing a book about all that you've shared with me!
My life is full because of you. My hope is restored because of your healing. You have given me complete peace, contentment, and joy amid a chaotic world. Thank you for never giving up on me even when I've been a hot mess. Thank you for making crooked places straight. Thank you for stick by me also when others left. Thank you for showing me that there was such much more to life than the low standard I lived.
To you, my first love, and who has loved me first.
I want you to know that when you speak, I will continue to listen.
Where you guide, I will follow.
However, you lead me; I will trust you.
Though the world will continue to reject you daily, turning their back on your invitation of love towards them.